Monster Tamer Tsuna!
by sweet-and-simple
Summary: Yamamoto is falling to pieces!  AND HE'S NOT PUTTING HIMSELF BACK TOGETHER!  It's up to the gang to find a way to save their zombie friend before it's too late!  5927 if you squint, you'll see 80L


Ten years ago, they were brought together for the greatest adventure of their lives (or, in for a few, their non-lives) and defeated the monster tamer Mukuro and the greatest evil Hibarin!

But that was ten years ago.

"I think we should break up." Lightening Bolt Lambo floated along on a low cumulus, slashed yellow leather pants low on his hips and a ripped black tee tight to his undeveloped chest. "We're like a music band, the beat just isn't holding us together anymore."

"_You_ can go if you want to," growled Gokudera, "but _I'm_ staying with the boss!"

'Mah mah, Lambo's right though!" said Yamamoto. "I love hanging out with you guys, but we need a little more excitement, don't you think?"

"You want excitement? _You_ want excitement? Then you carry this fucker!"

Yamamoto, caught unexpectedly by Gokudera's surprise toss, collapsed under the weight of the automaton Ryohei.

"See if _that's_ enough excitement for you."

"Gokudera! Don't do that to Yamamoto, he can't handle the strain!"

Yamamoto, on the other hand, was laughing… _Literally_, on the other hand. He stuck his head back on his shoulders. "Don't worry about me, Tsuna! I've got this."

Ten years later, that was still creepy to watch.

Tsuna shuddered and turned his attention back to the contrite Gokudera. "He's been falling apart more often lately. He's so decayed, I'm surprised he still even has a body."

"Don't worry, Yamamoto," hummed the lightening bolt. "I think you still look just as handsome as the day you died. Minus the axe. _Yare, yare_, when are you going to take that damn thing out of your head?"

"But it's a part of me!"

"It's a protruding part of you, how doesn't it bring up bad memories?"

"What bad memories?"

Tsuna was thinking hard while this conversation was going on. So hard that Gokudera's ears (as it was a full moon) pressed painfully back against his skull and his expression screwed up tightly. "Boss?"

"I'm just wondering… if there was a way to get Yamamoto a new body, you know? Or, at least Takeshi."

"Well, it sounds plausible. If you put Yamamoto's brain in a new body –"

Yamamoto's skull cracked in two horizontally and a pink, fleshy blob revealed itself. "Name's Takeshi!"

"_Get the fuck back in his head, you freaky brain_! As I was saying, boss, if we put his brain –"

"I'm Takeshi!"

"_Fine_! If we put _Takeshi_ in a new body, it might work!"

"But I like Yamamoto!" cried Takeshi. "I don't want to switch bodies!"

Yamamoto drooled mindlessly. Which made perfect sense as his mind was doing all the talking.

"He's right…" Tsuna looked curiously upwards. "Yamamoto has his own personality and I don't want to replace him…"

"But, boss, he's only a body!"

"But he's the body I'm used to."

"Just call me Yamamoto Takeshi!" chirped the brain. "We're one and the same, one and only! We're not separating!"

"Then rot, you stupid –"

"Gokudera!" The monster tamer turned to the zombie. "We'll figure something out. Maybe… Maybe we can find Rebo and he'll know what to do."

Lightening Bolt Lambo reached over the edge of the cloud and petted Yamamoto's hair. "You're so awesome, Yamamoto Takeshi. You've given us a reason to keep the band together."

Takeshi laughed. "No problem!"

"Yeah, idiot… _thanks_." Gokudera's tail flicked irately.

And then Tsuna stroked his ears. "It's okay, Gokudera. We have to do this for Yamamoto's sake. Don't you want to go on another great adventure to find Rebo?"

The silverette was purring. "_Yessss_… W-wait? What? No! No, I want to have a peaceful life with boss!"

"Peaceful? Our life is peaceful?" Lambo tapped his jaw thoughtfully. "_Yare, yare_, even though it's not as exciting as it was, I would never say it was _peaceful_…"

"Like last year when we ran into those dragons!" Takeshi supplied.

"How about that chimera four years back?" Lambo combated.

"I battled that megalodon!"

"I had to fight that mean old thunderstorm…"

"And Gokudera was defeated by that one really strange guy!"

"HEY! Shut up about that!"

Lambo snickered. "You lost~"

"You did too! If boss didn't step in, you'd have died."

"That's not important, you jerk!"

"Crybaby!"

"Bully!"

A flame lit on Tsuna's forehead as he grabbed Lambo by the back of his neck and Gokudera's by his and slammed them both face-first into the ground. "That's enough from both of you. I want to find Rebo so we can save Yamamoto… Takeshi from his own decay."

Lambo whimpered around the dirt in his mouth and Gokudera's tail tucked between his legs.

"I understand," they echoed each other.

"Now lemme go!" whined Lambo.

"I'll atone for my childishness!" whimpered Gokudera.

"This reminds me of old times!" exclaimed Takeshi. Then he closed the hatch, or more truthfully closed the skull, and Yamamoto zoned back in. "Hah hah! This is going to be so much fun!"

It was amazing how difficult someone could be to find when they were most likely not even trying to.

"Have you seen a man named Rebo?" asked Tsuna. "He's about this tall… looks like a baby…? Black hair, black eyes, his witch's hat has golden eyes…?"

"Have you seen this bastard?" Lambo held up a crudely drawn picture of a very short person with buck teeth and tentacles choking the life out of it.

"Lambo!"

And so attempt one failed.

"Yeah, he's about this tall, goes _BOOM_ a lot! He has this hat that's really a lizard and it craps Mon-Mon candy –" Yamamoto smiled awkwardly as Gokudera dragged him away with the speed of someone escaping a bad situation. "Was it something I said?"

Attempt two: fail.

"Aren't you _listening_ to me, you ignorant human? Rebo, the great and powerful wizard! He rides a fucking _broom_ for Kami's sake."

Tsuna grabbed Gokudera around his neck and held on for dear life. "Gokudera, stop! Calm down, okay? Maybe someone knows something but they won't say because they're scared of you."

"They _should_ be scared of me."

Tsuna rubbed his ears. His _human_ ears. It wasn't quite nighttime. But it still had the same affect and Gokudera groaned at his ministrations, going limp against him. "But if they're scared of you, they won't tell you the whole truth. And if they don't tell you the whole truth, we'll never find Rebo. If we never find Rebo, I'll be disappointed in myself for failing Yamamoto."

"_Yesssss_… No! No! Boss, don't be disappointed, I'll calm down and I'll stop losing my temper."

Tsuna smiled. "Thank you."

Gokudera took a deep calming breath and turned back to the enraged girl, who obviously did not like being yelled at. "Have you seen a baby named Rebo?"

She crossed her arms. "I don't know… maybe I have, maybe I haven't!"

"Why, you –"

"Gokudera!" Tsuna pushed the silverette behind him and grinned shyly at the girl. Suddenly she looked interested. "Hi, my name's Tsuna… I'm sorry for him, he's just not much of a people-person."

"I'm Haru Haru! Master seamstress! I make all the gowns and pointy hats for the princess up on the hill!" She smiles dangerously. "You look like a prince worthy to marry the princess!"

"I-I'm sorry?"

Gokudera snarled and grabbed onto Tsuna, holding him tight to his front. "He's mine! Your princess can't have him."

"And I'm not a prince! I'm more or less a monster tamer, actually."

"A monster tamer? Hahi! So exciting!"

"Just tell us if you saw Rebo." Gokudera pulled Tsuna impossibly closer, as if he could protect him from female interest with his own body. Which he most likely could. "Remember? A baby?"

"You're no fun!"

"Haru, please… We're trying to save a friend of ours but we need Rebo's help."

That made the girl pause. "Alright… Hhhmm… I remember! He came through here about a month ago!"

Gokudera perked up. "Really?"

"Yep!"

"Which direction did he go when he left?" Gokudera followed up.

"Hmmm… I don't know."

"What do you mean, you don't know?"

"I didn't see him leave, okay? But the princess did! Come with me, quickly!" She ran up the hill.

Tsuna and Gokudera had to tilt their heads back to follow her progress as she kept running higher and higher and higher… "How big is that hill?" Tsuna asked, tired just from watching her go.

"I don't know, boss…"

"_Yare, yare_… I think I pity Yamamoto the most," Lambo yawned as he floated above them. "He's still carrying Ryohei. _And_ he's lost his arm."

"What? When did that happen?" Tsuna spun around to see Yamamoto struggling peacefully along, dragging Ryohei with him by the grip of his only hand.

"I don't know… Maybe in the last village? I didn't notice till we got here, he just doesn't complain about anything."

"This is getting worse."

"Why is he just _now_ falling apart like this, though? He was in pieces when we met, why are those pieces getting harder to put together?"

"I don't know, Gokudera. But we're going to have to stop it nonetheless. Come on, we have to get up that hill one way or another!" He looked up at Lambo. "Tell Yamamoto to wait down here with Ryohei. I don't want him losing anything at the top of the hill." Because he had no plans of going back up there once they got directions.

"Alright." Lambo fluttered away on his cloud.

"What about me, boss?"

"You… You can wait down here too if you want to. I was planning on flying up."

"No! I'll go with you! I'll just follow you on foot…"

"Okay." Tsuna rubbed Gokudera's ear. "Thanks, Gokudera. Knowing you'll be there makes me feel better.'

"_Yessssss_…"

"So I'm guessing it went awkwardly…?" Lambo floated above them as Tsuna stared at his feet and Gokudera stayed possessively close to his side.

"It was horrible," Tsuna began in a low whisper. "I recognized her as the girl I had a crush on when I was a kid, before Rebo found me. I didn't know she was a princess back then. And she remembered me too. Apparently, she had a crush on me too except hers didn't die."

"_Yare, yare_… That explains so much."

Gokudera reached out and snatch Tsuna's hand. "You're my mate! Who was she to think that she could have you?"

"How dare she?" Lambo drawled. "But shouldn't one of you be helping Yamamoto carry Ryohei?"

"Why don't _you_ do it?"

"I don't have the upper body strength to carry him around! I float all the time, remember? And before you say it, no, I can't carry two people on my cloud."

"I wasn't going to say that, actually. I was going to say that now's a good time to start building those muscles."

"Mah mah, don't worry about me! I've got this."

"Yamamoto," Lambo began slowly, with the care someone would use before pointing out something monumental, "you're missing both of your arms."

Tsuna sighed. It was true. Tsuna wasn't even sure where they lost the second appendage, but it was gone. Yamamoto had made a sled of some sort that ended in a bit and he used that to pull the automaton Ryohei along.

"Yeah, but it's not really that bad!"

"Yamamoto, it's pretty bad." Tsuna sighed and rubbed his forehead. "At least the princess told us which direction she saw Rebo go off in before…" He flushed red.

Gokudera smirked proudly, even as his tail sagged. He could never stand Tsuna's negative feelings.

"What _did_ Gokudera do to you up there?" Lambo grabbed Yamamoto's head as it fell off and put it back on his shoulders. Yamamoto smiled at him in thanks.

"He, uh…" Tsuna looked desperately to Gokudera.

"I licked him! And I'll do it again if someone tries to take my mate from me!"

"But he's also your boss, so you defaced him in front of a royal for your own selfish reasons. Most people would be fired for that."

"Shut _up_, you damn lightening bolt! I'm not fired, right, boss? You wouldn't fire me… right?"

Tsuna rubbed his ear. "I would never fire you, Gokudera. I care for you too much to do that."

"_Yeesssss_…"

"Hah hah! You two are so cute together!" Yamamoto reached down and sucked the bit into his mouth. "Lphs gph gphg gphn!"

"_Yare, yare_, what did you say?"

"Hph hph!"

"Well, whatever Yamamoto said. What direction are we going in?"

"This one. We just keep going north till we find someone else to give us directions." Tsuna gave Lambo his best imploring look. "Would you mind going on ahead to see if you can save us time? If we have to turn in another direction, we could take a shortcut instead of having to take the time going through town."

"Okay, Tsuna. I'll be back as soon as I find something." He tutted up, up, up… right into the sky. There was an explosion of lightening and then dark, foreboding clouds broiled to life and raced off north.

"Thpht's prphphve!"

"No one can understand you, you idiot!"

"Hph hph!"

A few minutes later, the thunderstorm came running back. Once it was above the small group, it dispelled and Lambo charged down from the sky on a small cumulus, panic in his expression. "I found the nearest place."

Tsuna frowned in concern. "Are you alright?"

He shook his head. "We're heading straight towards Hibarin's mansion!"

"_Hibarin_?"

Gokudera growled and grabbed Tsuna around the shoulders. "He's not hurting boss again!"

Yamamoto spat out the bit. "It makes sense, though. Rebo really seemed to like Hibarin! They kind of acted alike too… Kind of."

"I guess that will be our first stop, then. If Rebo is there, that will be good."

"What if he's not? Tsuna, what if he's _not_? _Yare, yare,_ I don't feel like dying yet."

"Stop whining, thunder brat! I don't want to go there any more than you do for the first time in my life. But if boss says so…"

"I do."

"Then we have no choice!"

Yamamoto laughed. "I guess we'll be seeing old friends again!"

"Yamamoto, Hibarin was never our friend."

"Are you sure?"

"You idiot! Of course boss is sure!"

"_Yare, yare_… we're all going to die."

The looming double doors of Hibarin's mansion stood tall over them.

"What are you waiting for, Tsuna?" Lambo asked. "Knock."

"No, boss! I'll do it!"

"Ph'll dph pht!"

"It's okay, guys. I'll knock."

Ryohei snored loudly in the sudden heavy silence as Tsuna reached out with a curled fist. He missed making contact as the door swung open without his touch.

"Fight me."

Tsuna laughed nervously as Lambo ducked behind Yamamoto and Ryohei and Gokudera hissed at Tsuna's side.

"Hi, Hibarin, I guess you do remember me. I was wondering if you've seen Rebo…?"

"_Fight_ me."

"I don't want to –" Tsuna ducked as a tonfa slashed through air to narrowly miss his face.

"Boss!"

Yamamoto let go of the bit. "Tsuna!"

"_Ga ma n_!"

"Hibarin, I don't want to fight you! Again!"

"I'll suck you to death!"

"You know, now that I'm listening to that again, that sounds incredibly dirty," Lambo suddenly noted. Three pairs of eyes turned towards him and stared till the thunder bolt cowered behind Yamamoto, who was the only one who wasn't glaring at Lambo.

"I've never noticed it before, but you're right! Hah hah, that _does_ sound really dirty."

Hibarin bared his fangs at them. "Fuck you."

"Do you know where Rebo is?" Tsuna desperately intercepted.

"Hello, useless-Tsuna."

"Rebo!"

Tsuna looked past Hibarin into his mansion. The marble staircase in the middle of the gallery stood a tall figure at the top of its steps, dressed in a robe with a witch's hat atop his head with glowing yellow eyes.

"You've… grown."

"So have you. And your family."

"That's enough talking. _Fight me_!"

He leapt over Hibarin's attack and into his mansion. "Rebo, we need your help! Yamamoto is falling apart."

"Tell me something I don't know."

"Fight me!"

Tsuna slipped out of the way of Hibarin's downward slam of his tonfas. "We can't put him back together!"

"And?"

"Can't you help us keep him together?"

"Try using tape."

"Fight me!"

"I mean _permanently_! I don't ever want him to fall apart again!"

"Good luck with that. He _is_ a zombie."

"But isn't there anything else?"

"You're the monster tamer, Tsuna, you figure it out."

"I'll suck you to death!"

"_Yare, yare_, Rebo… you're still the asshole I remember you to be." Lambo strutted in, amazingly on his own two legs, and took a stand next to Tsuna, eyeballing Hibarin wearily as the vampire glared hatefully at him. "You know everything, you should know how to keep a zombie from decaying."

"That even sounded stupid." But Rebo was giving Lambo a considering look. "You've grown."

"_I'm going to suck you to death_!"

"_Ga ma n_…"

"Not a lot, apparently."

Tsuna pulled Lambo out of Hibarin's grasp and hit the vampire across the face. "Rebo, help us!"

"You should ask Hibarin for help on this one."

The monster tamer turned to very livid, very murderous Hibarin. "… I don't think that's wise."

"He _is_ a vampire. He would no better than anyone to rejuvenate someone."

"Fight me!"

"I don't want to fight you again!"

"You're going to have to if you want him to help you."

Hibarin turned around to look at Yamamoto, who stood airily in the doorway, and then turned wordlessly back. "There's nothing I can do about that whether you fight me or not."

"What? Why not?"

"He's _dead_. Now _fight_ me."

"Technically, I'm _un_-dead."

Hibarin threw a tonfa at him and Yamamoto's head popped off. Takeshi rolled out and laughed awkwardly. "Wow, what's happening here?"

"_Die_."

Tsuna grabbed Hibarin's arm before he could charge towards the helpless brain. "We're trying to save him!"

Hibarin stared pointedly at Tsuna's hand on his person. "I'm going to _kill_ you."

"Don't threaten boss!" Gokudera rushed onto the scene and shoved the vampire away from Tsuna. He wrapped his arms around the monster tamer and hissed threateningly at Hibarin. "I'll die before you harm a hair on his head!"

"That can easily be arranged."

"_Ga ma n_… EVERYONE! STOP ARGUING!"

Everyone turned to look at the upset lightening bolt. He had Takeshi hugged to his chest, Yamamoto's body and head comically and gruesomely lazy on the ground at his side.

"We have to take Yamamoto Takeshi before we kill each other! _Yare, yare_, you're all so immature."

"Coming from you?" Gokudera growled. "That's rich!"

"No, Gokudera, he's right." Tsuna directed his attention towards the vampire. "I'll fight you once we save my friend, okay? But I'm not going to give you the fight you want till then and _only_ then."

Hibarin thought it over for a long, drawn out moment. "Get it over quickly. Because I'm going to suck you to death."

"That still sounds so dirty."

"Lambo, not now, okay? Alright, Hibarin, please tell me how we can save him."

"I already told you, you can't save the dead."

"But he's not dead!" Tsuna pointed out. "Well, at least no more dead than you are."

"I'm not dead."

Four incredulous stares fell upon him.

"You're not?" Gokudera asked.

"I have a pulse."

"So what do we do?"

"There's always another option," Rebo piped up.

Takeshi laughed. "That sounds good!"

"What is it?" Tsuna asked.

There was a dramatic pause. "_Rebirth_."

"Sounds cool!" Takeshi chirped.

"Rebirth…?"

"Yes, useless-Tsuna. Rebirth. I will use my extended power of magick to turn back Yamamoto Takeshi's life clock." He reached into his robe and pulled out a massive mallet. "Now put Takeshi back in Yamamoto's head and we'll start…"

"What are you going to do with that?" Tsuna slowly asked, wearily putting himself between the advancing Rebo and his friend. In response, Gokudera stood in front of him, ears pressed flat against his skull and tail fluffed.

Lambo tightened his embrace around the brain and hunched into himself. "H-hey, what's that mallet for?"

"You all want to save him, don't you? Well, you can't be reborn without feeling a _little_ pain."

"This could be interesting," Hibarin said to himself. "Move out of the way, herbivores, and let him do what he wants."

"No!"

Rebo was suddenly _there_, behind Lambo, and he was smirking as they spun around to gawk at him. The lightening bolt was frozen stiff in terror, eyes wide. "Too late."

"Are you okay, boss?"

"Yeah, I'm okay, Gokudera… I won the fight, didn't I?"

"Yes, but your face…"

"Don't remind me." Tsuna gingerly touched his blue and purple cheek and ran his tongue over his split bottom lip. His left eye was swollen shut.

Gokudera whimpered and licked the bruise, as if he could make it better with his saliva. And, also, his hands were a little full keeping Ryohei on his back. Tsuna flushed slightly. "I should have protected you better, boss!"

"I don't want you to regret saving Lambo from Rebo."

The werecat snarled. "I regretted that the moment I did it."

Lambo huffed and snuggled his burden closer to his chest, fluttering along on his cloud. "I would have rather that Rebo molested me than be indebted to you!"

"I don't!" said Lambo's burden. It lifted a tiny fist and bopped the lightening bolt's chin. "I'm happy you're safe, Lambo! _Goo goo goo_…"

Lambo smiled and nipped playfully at the baby's fingers. "_Yare, yare_, you're so cute as a baby, Yamamoto."

"Hah hah! _Bah bah bah_…"

"I wonder if the baby babble is a side affect…"

Gokudera huffed. "It doesn't matter, boss. It's annoying and I don't think it's going to stop any time soon."

"I think it's adorable!" Lambo countered. "Keep talking to me, Yamamoto, I love to listen to you."

"Thanks, Lambo! _Ah ah ah! Air! Air!_"

"Hair? You want to play with my hair?" Lambo pulled Yamamoto up to his head and the baby latched onto his bangs. "So cute!"

Tsuna smiled carefully. "That is pretty cute."

Gokudera pouted. "But, boss… He's still the annoying zombie he was before he was reborn. What about _me_?"

The monster tamer kissed Gokudera's brow. "You're different." He put his lips gently on Gokudera's, mindful of his wound, and petted back his ears. "I love you like my lover, not like my friend."

"_Yessss_…"

"Same old Gokudera!" Yamamoto chirped. "_Goo goo goo_…"

Author's Note: MWA HAH HAH! I was lazy about beta'ing this, so… if you find a shitload of errors… my bad. Love you!


End file.
